How to Feel Your Feelings

In a society that often encourages us to distract ourselves from discomfort, it’s all too easy to push away difficult emotions, burying them beneath the demands of work, relationships, and endless distractions. Yet, these feelings persist, whispering for attention. The path to true healing and well-being requires not avoidance but an invitation to feel deeply—one that doesn’t involve waging war on the self but instead offers compassion, curiosity, and gentle acceptance. This is where Tara Brach’s RAIN method, and the principles from Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), can guide us.

The RAIN method—Recognise, Allow, Investigate, Nurture—teaches us that emotions are not enemies to be conquered. They are guests that come bearing valuable insights. When we turn towards them, we shift from resisting to receiving, from fighting to feeling. Let’s explore how each step of RAIN can be a portal into deeper self-awareness and emotional freedom.

Recognise:

The first step is simply to notice what is happening in the body and mind. Rather than ignoring the tightness in your chest or the racing thoughts, you name them: “I’m feeling anxious.” In this act of recognition, there is a powerful acknowledgment. Emotions, once unnamed, gain power over us. When named, they start to lose their grip.

Allow:

Acceptance isn’t resignation. In ACT, this concept is echoed as the call to stop fighting reality. To allow means to make space for what is. Instead of struggling to push the feeling away, we say, “Yes, this is here.” We stop resisting our inner experience and make room for it to exist, without judgement. This doesn’t mean we like the feeling, but we accept its presence.

Investigate:

Curiosity is our greatest ally here. Rather than shrinking from discomfort, we explore it. What is this emotion telling me? How does it feel in my body? What stories are attached to it? With the compassionate lens of ACT, we see that going inward is an act of courage—leaning into our vulnerability, we become open to understanding our inner world rather than being a passive victim of it.

Nurture:

The final step, nurturing, is where the healing happens. Imagine offering yourself the same kindness you would extend to a dear friend. This is self-compassion in action. ACT teaches us that life is not about avoiding pain but rather about cultivating a deeper, more meaningful connection with ourselves, even when things are difficult.

Ultimately, the RAIN method offers a simple yet profound way to engage with your emotions, bridging the gap between the self and the feeling. As you practice, you’ll find that emotions lose their sting when met with compassion and that the wisdom they hold is yours to discover.

In a world that tells us to "move on" or "be positive," the RAIN method gently reminds us that healing isn’t about bypassing our inner world but embracing it—one compassionate breath at a time.