The Power of Holding Space: Embracing Vulnerability in Ourselves and Others

“Show me a woman who can hold space for a man in real fear and vulnerability, and I’ll show you a woman who’s learned to embrace her own vulnerability and who doesn’t derive her power or status from that man. Show me a man who can sit with a woman in real fear and vulnerability and just hear her struggle without trying to fix it or give advice, and I’ll show you a man who’s comfortable with his own vulnerability and doesn’t derive his power from being Oz, the all-knowing and all-powerful.”

Brene Brown

There is a deep, undeniable beauty in holding space for someone—offering them a safe place to be seen, heard, and felt without judgment. At the heart of holding space is the willingness to witness someone's experience without imposing solutions, judgment, or the need to "fix" them. It’s the art of allowing another person the full permission to feel and express their vulnerability while resisting the urge to take on the role of the savior or protector. Holding space demands that we confront our own discomfort with vulnerability because it mirrors the parts of ourselves we often keep hidden—our own fears, inadequacies, and unhealed wounds.

The Courage to Hold Space

“Show me a woman who can hold space for a man in real fear and vulnerability, and I’ll show you a woman who’s learned to embrace her own vulnerability…” This speaks to a woman’s capacity to sit with what is uncomfortable, not just for her partner but for herself. When she doesn’t derive her worth or sense of power from his strength, she becomes free to witness his vulnerability. She doesn’t feel the need to protect or shield him because she has learned to do the same for herself. This is the core of holding space—allowing the person in front of us to exist as they are, without the impulse to correct, guide, or diminish their experience.

And the same is true for men. A man who can sit with a woman in her fear, listening without the urge to solve her problems, is demonstrating not only a deep respect for her experience but also a profound sense of comfort with his own emotions. As Brené Brown writes, “Show me a man who can sit with a woman in real fear and vulnerability and just hear her struggle… and I’ll show you a man who’s comfortable with his own vulnerability.” It’s not about being the omnipotent figure who always knows what to do. It’s about presence. It’s about saying, “I see you, and I am not afraid to sit with what you are going through.”

Why Holding Space Matters

If you’re asking for vulnerability from others, but cannot embrace your own, you are asking for something fragile and rare without understanding its true value. It’s like demanding a partner to be honest with you when you’ve never learned how to be honest with yourself. Your capacity to sit with someone else’s rawness is always in direct proportion to the permission you give yourself to feel your own emotions. This is the paradox of vulnerability—when we allow ourselves to feel deeply, we can then hold space for others to do the same.

Relationships thrive not because we fix each other’s problems, but because we witness them with compassion and without judgment. To hold space for someone is to say, “I trust you to navigate this. I trust myself to sit beside you in it.”

When we recognize that our strength comes not from control or solutions but from our capacity to sit with what is unresolved, we create a new kind of intimacy. This intimacy is not built on who has the answers but on who is willing to stay in the question. It’s the willingness to sit in silence, in the discomfort of another’s struggle, knowing that sometimes the greatest gift we can offer is simply our presence.

Ultimately, if we want the people in our lives to feel safe enough to be vulnerable with us, we must first cultivate that safety within ourselves. We must let go of the myth that power is derived from control, solutions, or knowledge, and instead embrace the quiet, courageous power that comes from being with—being with our own pain, being with the vulnerability of those we love, and trusting that the real strength lies in our ability to witness without needing to rescue.

Permission to Be Vulnerable

If we want vulnerability from others, we must first be willing to offer it ourselves. This means showing up authentically, even when it feels risky. It means allowing ourselves to be seen in our own moments of fear and struggle and trusting that we are enough, just as we are. When we give ourselves permission to be vulnerable, we model this for others. We create a culture of openness and trust where people feel safe enough to drop their defenses and show up as their true selves.

When we hold space for someone in their vulnerability, we aren’t saying, “I will fix this for you.” Instead, we’re saying, “I trust you. I trust your process, and I trust your ability to navigate this in your own way and time.” This kind of trust is healing. It reminds people of their own resilience and wisdom. It empowers them to move through their pain without feeling broken or inadequate.

The Gift of True Connection

Holding space is one of the greatest gifts we can offer each other. It’s an act of love that goes beyond words or actions. It’s a way of saying, “I’m here with you, fully present, without needing to change or control anything about you.” It creates a container for healing, growth, and transformation.

And as we continue to practice holding space—for ourselves and for others—we cultivate a world where vulnerability is no longer seen as a weakness but as a pathway to deeper connection, empathy, and understanding. This is how we create relationships that are rooted in authenticity, mutual respect, and love. This is how we show up for one another, not as saviors, but as witnesses to each other’s humanity.

In a culture that often asks us to be invulnerable, let’s be the ones who hold space for vulnerability. Let’s be the ones who allow ourselves to be seen, just as we are, and in doing so, create the conditions for others to do the same. Because, as Brené Brown reminds us, when we embrace our vulnerability, we give others permission to embrace theirs, and that is where true power lies.